Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Conservative

Time for a another song rewrite!

The GOP, the Tea Klux Klan and everything in the 'white' wing world of conservalunacy has been going off the deep end with their pathological hatred of the POTUS. So thought I'd give y'all a song rewrite with a country twang this time.

Yeeee Haaa! So put on those boots, jeans, ten gallon hat, and fire up those iPods as you sing to Moni's chicken fried remixed lyrics to this song dedicated to my favorite target, the conservafools.

Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up Conservative
Sung to the tune of 'Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys' by Waylon Jennings.



Conservatives ain't nice and they're hearts are stone cold.
Their racism and sexism is really getting old
Turn on Fox News
To begin a new day
Don't understand science, and claim they're Christian
Their hypocrisy will blow you away

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be conservative.
Don't let 'em watch Fox News cause Glenn Beck sucks.
Let 'em be liberal progressives not schmucks
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be conservative
Off the deep end they've gone quoting facts that are wrong
While cursing the POTUS they loathe

Conservatives do things that make you deplore them
Claim their protecting the children and people who are white
POC's they don't wanna know them and others they screw,
Sometimes you just wanna shake some sense into them.
They're wrong, they're ignorant and their base won't let them,
Do things for the country that are right

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be conservative.
Don't let 'em watch Fox News cause Glenn Beck sucks
Let 'em be liberal progressives not schmucks
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be conservative.
Off the deep end they've gone quoting facts that are wrong
While cursing at the POTUS they loathe

Interview With Moni's Fictional Ladies

"Hi, I'm Lanita Turner, ABC News journalist, weekend anchor and one of the characters in Moni's Capital Gains and Politically Correct novel manuscripts."

"Since The TransGriot has stepped away from her computer for a moment, we're going to take this opportunity to commandeer her blog and talk to her loyal readers.
I'm joined today by Lorynn Thibodeaux-Millard from On The Wings of Love, Erica Rideaux of Miss Thang, and my novel castmate Dr. Markita Johnson-Gant."

"As some of you readers know she does write fiction from time to time. She has shared some of her short stories and poetry on the blog. She has some manuscripts in various stages of completion she really needs to get busy finishing and getting published."

"Would you ladies agree or disagree with that assessment?"
"Yes, I agree, Lanita."
"And what leads you to give her work such a positive endorsement, Markita?"
"One thing I like about it is that some of them include positive trans characters of color doing more than just stereotypical stuff."
"You're so right about that."
"Erica, what are your thoughts?"
"I agree. I like the way she told my story. There are far too many negative stereotypes of African-American transwomen out there, and I love her for writing about the sections of our community that takes education and our feminine journeys seriously."
"I also like how she tries to keep it as realistic as possible when she writes her fiction."
"How so, Lorynn?" asked Lanita.
"I know she worked in the airline industry like I do, and consulted with airline industry friends when she began writing On The Wings of Love to make sure she was accurate in terms of post 9-11 procedures."
"She also likes weaving history and social commentary in it." said Erica.
"I like the fact she takes seriously the infotainment aspect of her writing, but I do have a problem with her mischaracterizing me last year on this blog as a diva."

"That's a nice segue into our next segment. Let's talk about you ladies individually. Lorynn and Markita, I know you're married, and Erica you're single like I am. Any chance you'll be walking down the aisle soon?"
"No Lanita, don't think so. I'm busy with my company and my blog. I'm at a point in my life right now where if it happens, it happens."
"It was a struggle for me just to get there." said Markita.
"Same here, sis," said Lorynn.
"But it was worth it in the end. Tommy and I are very happy and I got a wonderful stepdaughter out of it as well."
"Lorynn, any kids yet?"
"We haven't been blessed with any, but David and I are happily working on that while spoiling our niece and nephew. Hi, Jasmine! Hi, Trey!"
"I do the same thing with my sister's kids, and I'm the godmother to Senator Reynolds' twins," said Lanita.
"It's been a joy to see my stepdaughter grow up to become a wonderful and intelligent young lady."

"Now, ladies, let get to the juicy parts of your various stories. Erica, I know you were dating a guy at the start of your transition. Are you and Allen still together?"
"Sadly, no. We had some issues that broke up our relationship, but we're still friends."
"And Markita, girl, your drama was all over Capital Gains and Politically Correct. You got outed in the most publically humiliating way in the middle of a contentious political campaign, and you had to fight for the love of your man against a former lover wielding a child as her trump card."
"And as Sister Maya would say,'And still I rise'."

"Lorynn, you had an equally rocky road to travel as well in terms of overcoming the reservations of your now hubby in addition to a scheming ex."
"Well, there's no love lost between me and Marland Evangeline Devereaux that's for sure, but class does win out in the end..."
"Let me go...I've heard enough of this BS.." Marland said as she burst from backstage, past security and got within inches of Lorynn's face
'Ladies and gentleman, our other guest in this interview, Marland Deveraux!"
"What do you mean 'class wins out in the end'? You're still scavenging my sloppy seconds just like you did in Marrero."
"Shouldn't you be hanging out at the Texans training camp trying to snag you a new husband?"
"I got a man."
"And I got the man and the ring, Miss Thing. Isn't it pretty?" Lorynn said as security stepped between them.

'Well, that's all the time we have for this show, so tune in next time when we'll be talking to the men of Moni's fictional universe. I'm Lanita Turner saying so long until next time. We'll now return you back to your regularly scheduled TransGriot posts."

Texas Has Transpeeps Marrying In It

TransGriot Note: It was past time to pen this song rewrite. I'm more than a little pissed over the fact that ever since the push for same gender marriage started, transgender ones which were once done with no problems, have come under increased attack.

Now we have another Texas marriage case in which another trans woman faces not only getting over her husband's untimely death, but having her gender identity questioned, put through media scrutiny and legally stripped away a la Christie Lee Littleton for fiscal reasons.

So, time to whip out those iPod's and sing along to Moni's remixed lyrics.



Texas Has Transpeeps Marrying In It
(sung to the tune of 'Texas Has a Whorehouse In It' from the musical 'Best Little Whorehouse In Texas'

Texas has transpeeps marrying in it.
Lord have mercy on our souls!
Texas has transpeeps marrying in it
Lord have mercy on our souls!

I'll expose the facts because they fill me with disgust
Tripping because of your genitalia and carnal lust

(your genitalia and carnal lust)

A Transwoman has got married and you fools have gone plumb wild
Yep she's hitched, didn't deny it, now you Reichers are getting riled
Bodies close together arms and legs all rearranged
Wingers want to stop it but nothing 'bout all of that is strange.

(nothing 'bout all of that is strange)

girl-girl boy-boy boy-girl girl-boy couples (oh no!)
Mixing with transgirl transboy all transgender couples (oh no!)
Transpeeps are getting married, that much is very clear
The latest one only happened just 55 miles from here

And now our own GOP Singers

(Texas has transpeeps marrying in it)

I'll put an end to this charade

(Texas has transpeeps marrying in it)

Stopping them is our crusade.
This is just disgusting and I'll fight it till I drop
Love filled copulation going on.
And it must stop

Stop that copulation!
Love filled copulation!
Stop that copulation!
Love filled copulation!

Texas has transpeeps marrying in it
Lord have mercy on our souls
Texas has transpeeps marrying in it
Lord have mercy on our souls.
Ministers hatin' on us and they'll fight us till they drop
Love filled copulation going on, going on, going on, going
on, going on, going on.

Don't touch that browser!
This is the Party of No saying we'll be back, with new and
revealing information about this and other cases.
Cause right wing haters never sleep

(Chorus) And it must stop.
Haters going to get you
Going to shine their light on you
Haters going to get you
Going to shine their light on you.

Moni's Short Stories

I'm taking time out this weekend to do some fiction writing.

No, I'm not going to apply for a job as a copy writer for Faux News, people.

But every now and then I like to let my creative juices flow and unleash some of these characters that are yearning to be released from the creative area of my brain and run free to live their lives in the context of a story.

If something newsworthy happens to transpire while I'm doing so, I'll definitely write it up and give you loyal TransGriot readers my chocolate flavored take on it.

But just in case you're curious as to whether not Moni has the fiction writing skills to pay her bills, here's a sample courtesy of some old short stories, song rewrites and poetic posts I've written throughout the years.

Gotta get back to work on that. My characters are calling.

Bathroom Issues

Transgender Heaven

It's a Wonderful Trans Life

The Recruiting Visit

The Sermon

Battlestar Galactica With Soul

Moni's Greatest Song Rewrite Hits-Volume I

One of the features on this blog that you TransGriot readers tell me you never get enough of are my satirical song rewrites.

I'll pen one when world events or newsworthy people inspire me to do.

Well, to make it easy for you (and me) to find them, I'm concentrating all of Moni's song rewrites so far in one post with links for you to peruse them.


The Rad Fem Ones

Saggin' Pants

Barack's The President Now

(You Gotta) Fight For Our Right To Potty

The Propaganda We'll Teach Y'all

Screwed By You

Everyday Sheeple

Grandma Just Got Busted In A Drug Deal

I'm The Sidekick John McCain

GOP Golddigger

They Hate Moni

HRC The Fake Civil Rights Org

You're A Mean One, Barney Frank

I'm The ENDA Bill

The new Barney Theme Song

The GOP Hates Science

Irreplacable

You Can Call Bush Crazy

Why We Hate On Gays

I Won't Vote For Republicans

In Iraqinam

Santa Baby (TG version)

You're Going Back To School

I Cheated In Argentina

Rappin' Rushbo

Teabag Lady

He's A Clown

Get Real

No, No, No (GOP Version)

Screwed By You

TransGriot Note: as the clock ticks down to the weekly broken promised ENDA vote we suspect ain't gonna happen because it's an election year, we get more frustrated as our trans cousins in Canada may be on the verge of getting comprehensive coverage in their nation's civil rights laws.

So yeah, time for another song rewrite. Fire up the iPod's and sing along with Moni's fresh new lyrics.

Screwed By You
Sung to the tune of 'Looking For You' by Kirk Franklin



For all the trans people in the struggle
If you think Congress has forgotten about you
It's an election year, you betcha
Let's go

Ain't got no car
Ain't got no house
Ain't got no job
So sorry, boo

Come one

I've been down so long,
I've been hurting so long,
With ENDA's passage we thought transpeeps would catch a break today
It was hard to see, delayed rights for me
I couldn't believe it would last always
But night after night, (Night after night, Night after night)
I pray Lord for the trans community
Then late at night I read in the blogging letters it's not gonna get better

(Chorus)
Don't cha know that
I'm tired of being screwed by you
Full civil rights nothing else will satisfy me
I need ENDA passed now, boo
If we work for change no one can take rights away from you

Life ain't so good to us
We had a mighty long wait
Pass ENDA now, boo
Come on

All my enemies, came at once for me
And some of them are peeps that we considered as our friends
All the while we knew
We had trans sellouts, too
We're no closer to trans rights than when we first began
HRC you are, (HRC you are, HRC you are)
You're not the civil rights org you claim to be
Wherever you are
I'll be picketing near you
NCTE screw you, too

(Chorus 2x)
Don't cha know that
I'm tired of being screwed by you
Full civil rights nothing else will satisfy me
I need ENDA passed now, boo
If we work for change no one can take rights away from you

Don't cha know that
I'm tired of being screwed by you
Full civil rights nothing else will satisfy me
I need ENDA passed now, boo
If we work for change no one can take rights away from you

Here we go now
Here we go now
Don't stop now
In the front now
Not the back now
Don't stop now
Here we go now
Let's lobby now
Ladies

Oh,oh Oh,oh,oh
That's for our struggle
Oh,oh Oh,oh,oh
That's for our pain
Oh,oh Oh,oh,oh
That's for unemployed trans people
Oh,oh Oh,oh,oh
Come on and sing it with us y'all

HRC you are, (HRC you are, HRC you are)
You're not the civil rights org you claim to be
Wherever you are
I'll be picketing near you
NCTE screw you, too


[Chorus 2x]
Don't cha know that
I'm tired of being screwed by you
Full civil rights nothing else will satisfy me
I need ENDA passed now, boo
If we work for change no one can take rights away from you

Don't cha know that
I'm tired of being screwed by you
Full civil rights nothing else will satisfy me
I need ENDA passed now, boo
If we work for change no one can take rights away from you

Oh,oh Oh,oh,oh (oh,oh,o)
Oh,oh Oh,oh,oh (oh,oh,o)
Oh,oh Oh,oh,oh (oh,oh,o)
Oh,oh Oh,oh,oh (oh,oh,o)

The Propaganda We'll Teach Y'all

TransGriot Note: It's song rewrite time. I'm so disgusted over the TX State Board of Education's 'Conservatism Uber Education' whitewashing of social studies curriculum that when I heard this song while flipping through various radio stations, another rewrite was born.

So fire up the iPod and sing to the remixed lyrics.



The Propaganda We'll Teach Y'all
sung to the tune of 'Another Brick in the Wall Part 2 by Pink Floyd

We need right wing education
We need conservative thought control
No Black or Brown history in Texas classrooms
Liberals leave them kids alone
Hey! Liberals! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just the propaganda we'll teach y'all.
All in all it's just the propaganda we'll teach y'all.

We need right wing education
We need conservative thought control
No Black or Brown history in Texas classrooms
Liberals leave them kids alone
Hey! Liberals! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just the propaganda we'll teach y'all.
All in all it's just the propaganda we'll teach y'all.

"Wrong, say it again!"
"If you don't learn this, you won't vote Republican.
How can you love Texas if what we teach you don't repeat?"
"You! Yes, you behind the protest sign, stand still liberal!"

(You Gotta) Fight For Our Right To Potty

TransGriot Note: It's time for another song rewrite. The idea for this one actually came from Ethan St. Pierre and Bet Power. I came up with the rewritten lyrics because I like 'errbody' else in the trans community is beyond sick and tired of being sick and tired of the bathroom issue being used to delay and scuttle ENDA.

So y'all know what time it is. Fire up the iPod's and sing along with the revamped lyrics


Fight For Our Right To Potty
(sung to the tune of the Beastie Boys-(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party)



Kick it!

Trans people need to pee but we don't wanna go
Needs to be gender neutral but Barney says, "No!"
We need ENDA passed so we can go to work
Right wing preachers hatin’ on the bill like ignorant jerks

We gotta fight for our right to potty

Bathrooms based on presentation need to happen yesterday
GOP hypocrites are saying “No way!”
Facing trans discrimination can be so sad
Coming from so called allies makes you fighting mad (Busted!)

We gotta fight for our right to potty

Don't like that I transitioned? Why should you care?
Don’t need to know what genitalia that I have down there
I’ve got to pee so bump that noise.
I’m not (will be) going to use a bathroom with cisgender boys!

We gotta fight for our right to potty
We gotta fight for our right to potty

Teabag Lady

TransGriot Note: Been a while since I treated y'all to one of my song rewrites. This one is dedicated to all those tragically misinformed women in the teabagger movement,

Teabag Lady
Sung to the tune of 'Bag Lady' by Erykah Badu



Teabag lady hates Obama cause he's Black
Why y'all prejudiced like that
I guess Fox News never told you
He's your president too
Yes boo, yes boo, yes boo

He just wants what's best for the USA
He just wants what's best for the USA
He just wants what's best for the USA
I said he just wants what's best for the USA
He just wants what's best for the USA

And he's bright
He's bright
He's bright
Ooh ooh

Teabag lady what is all the fuss
You need to shut up
Talkin' that birther stuff
When people see you comin'
People take off runnin'
From you it's true oh yes we do

One day we gone say you get out my face
One day we gone say you get out my face
I said one day we gone say you get out my face
One day we gone say you get out my face

And he's bright
He's bright
He's bright
Ooh ooh

Girl I know sometimes it's hard
And you won't let go
Obama won in a electoral landslide
You can't deny it he's American stop crying
So oh, oh, oh
If you start reading
Then you can believe it
You'll feel so much better
(So much better baby)

Teabag lady
Let Beck go, let Beck go, let Beck go, let Beck go
Ooh, ooh
Girl Fox you don't need it
I betcha info makes it better
Betcha info makes it better
Betcha info makes it better
(Need someone to teach you right)
Betcha info makes it better
(I betcha info, betcha info)
Betcha info makes it better
Betcha info makes it better
Betcha info makes it better
Betcha info makes it better
(I betcha info, betcha info)
Betcha info makes it better
(I betcha info, I betcha info, oh)
Betcha info makes it better
Betcha info makes it better
(Oh...)
Betcha info make it better...

Teabag lady, hmm
Let Beck go, let Beck go, let Beck go, let Beck go
Girl you don't need Fox, hmm

He's A Clown

TransGriot Note: Been a while since I've been motivated to pen one of my infamous song rewrites.

This one is dedicated to our favorite 'ex-gay' preacher, Donnie McClurkin.

Since his self hating Bush butt kissing behind is so fond of using Scripture to beat up repeatedly on GLBT people, thought it was time to turn the tables.

So fire up those iPods and sing along, cause we about to have some church up on this blog!

He's A Clown
sung to the tune of 'We Fall Down' by Donnie McClurkin

He's a clown
Needs to shut up
He's a clown
Needs to shut up
He's a clown
Needs to shut up

His ex gay butt puts GLBT peeps down
That's jacked up Donnie
So shut up

He's hatin' on us again (6x)
His ex gay butt puts GLBT peeps down
So shut up

No, No, No GOP Version

TransGriot Note: Time for another song rewrite. The President is making his big joint congressional health care speech tonight and the GOP has been off the deep end in opposing health care reform.

So you know what that means. Tome to skewer them again.

Break out those iPods and sing along to the remixed lyrics.

"No, No, No GOP Version

Sung to the tune of 'No, No. No Pt 1' by Destiny's Child

The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

Y'all don't want health care
I can see it in your eyes
But you keep on frontin'
That you want to compromise
Cause when you're on the TV
You're giving me false signs
But when I ask you what's the deal
You lie lie lie lie lie
You don't want my votes
So let's keep it real
Obama hatreds goin' on
And that's the fracking deal
The don't want the prez
To succeed like I do
Conservatism doesn't work
Is that crystal clear to you?

The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes


If you keep actin' this way
You're gonna lose more votes
Tired of GOP obstructions
2010 please hurry up
You had your time and screwed around
Messed up the USA
You have no policy solutions
Nothing positive to say
Your birthers and your deathers
Think they are so sly
They got mental problems
Aren't rational like I
America sees right through you
We know that you are slime
You're a bunch of racists
That are running out of time

The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

You can't say yes
Without regret
I must confess, your party's a zoo
Your time has come and gone
Reagan's not here boo, for you
Time for Democrats to have their say
And clean up the GOP mess today
You've screwed working people long enough and it's true
Don't wanna hear no (nooo)
Baby time to hear yes (yeees)
Tell me yes, Don't tell me (noo)

The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
The GOP says no, no, no, no, no
The country's saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
[Chorus until end]

You're Going Back To School

TransGriot Note: Here's another one of my song rewrites. It's dedicated to my Canadian homegirl and all the parents of kids who think this is the most wonderful time of the year and not Christmas.





Sung to the tune of 'Going To See The King' by Andrae Crouch

Soon and very soon
You are going back to school

Soon and very soon
You are going back to school

Soon and very soon
You are going back to school

Hallelujah, hallelujah,
You're going back to school

No more cryin there,
You are going back to school

No more cryin there,
You are going back to school

No more cryin there,
You are going back to school

Hallelujah, hallelujah,
You're going back to school

[Bridge:]
Another day off the calendar we can cross
Another day closer to peace of mind
Shopping for the school clothes that you'll need
Give us strength till that blessed day arrives.

(Speaking)
Time to get that education...Time to learn how to sign your name...So get washed up kids and go to bed...Because tomorrow is your first school day...So you'll have a better life than we did, we scrimp save and sacrifice...It's back to school time..sweet dreams..soon and very soon.

[Chorus]
Soon and very soon
You are going back to school

Soon and very soon
You are going back to school

Soon and very soon
You are going back to school

Hallelujah, hallelujah,
You're going back to school

No more cryin there,
You are going back to school

No more cryin there,
You are going back to school

No more cryin there,
You are going back to school

Hallelujah, hallelujah,
You're going back to school

Another day off the calendar we can cross
Another day closer to peace of mind
Shopping for the school stuff that you'll need
Give us strength till that blessed day arrives.

[Ending:]
Hallelujah
Halleljuah
You're going back to school!

Everyday Sheeple

TransGriot Note: It's time for another one of my infamous song rewrites. This one is dedicated to all the hoodwinked and bamboozled batshit crazy people who support the birthers, deathers, and use Fox News and right-wing talk radio as their primary news source.


Everyday Sheeple
Sung to the tune of People Everyday by Arrested Development



I remember the night that is long gone
"Obama won!" we screamed in an excited tone
The celebrations went on all night
And the whole planet thought it was really hype
Outta nowhere comes the GOP hating
Lies, demonstrations and obfuscating

But nevertheless I was pleased
Barack's inaugurated and my soul's at ease
Until a group of birthers started bugging out
Drinking the Kool Aid, going the Klansman route
Saying crap that was really mean
Doing tea bagging with signs obscene

I ignored them cause see I know their type
They're racist, got guns and they're mainly white
They see a Black Democrat trying to do some good
Some of them tryin' to test Obama's manhood

Obama was born in Honolulu
His daddy being from Kenya makes them swear [Damn!]
He's in the White House and they're having fits
And his birth certificate they be dissing it
Pray they come to their senses eventually
But they demand to see parts of his anatomy
Why, Lord, do conservatives hate our country?
All we want is for it to be strong and free

Chorus:
They are everyday sheeple
They are everyday sheeple

Told the sheeple, get your news from CNN
And stop denying that he is a citizen
But they won't stop watching the Fox News
And the birthers and deathers are even more crude

At this point I was mad by then
It's sad these peeps listen to Rush, Lou and Glenn
But that's the story y'all of Republicans
Mad because they lost to an African

Chorus
They are everyday sheeple
They are everyday sheeple

Saggin' Pants

TransGriot Note: It's time for another one of my song rewrites. This time with the help of TLC, I'm taking dead aim at the (thankfully) diminishing number of peeps who love wearing saggin' pants, an unfortunate relic of prison culture that needs to go the way of the jerri curl and 8 track tapes.

Saggin' Pants'
(sung to the tune of 'Girl Talk' by TLC)

You see I had this brother who was mad at me
Because I dissed his pants that were saggin'
Told the truth so I really don't give a damn
Cause saggin' pants I'm about to slam (oh)
Some of y'all say what's the fuss
Saggin' is prison speak damn
Saying you like being a bottom man
We women wanna know these thangs
If you like to ride the ding a ling

(bridge)
Pull 'em up
If you don't want peeps to talk
And don't want your feelings hurt
Pull 'em up
Cause if you don't
Peeps are gonna tell the world

(chorus)
Peeps talkin' bout your draws being out there
Damn right we're talkin' all about ya
Don't forget about this little mantra
'Cause your pants are saggin'
Your pants are saggin'
Don't wanna see your booty too
You're not walking you're waddling boo
Time to change your jacked up worldview
'Cause your pants are saggin'
Your pants are saggin'

Listen y'all need to know this
You're not welcome in anybody's business
You're gettin' mad because of it
Pull 'em up and there won't be no shyt (oh)
Some of y'all be killin me
Thinkin' you cool
But you're more like a comedy
Dissing you got your pressure going
But we hate seeing your draws showin'

Pull 'em up
If you don't want peeps to talk
And don't want your feelings hurt
Pull 'em up
Cause if you don't
Peeps are gonna tell the world

Peeps talkin' bout your draws being out there
Damn right we're talkin' all about ya
Don't forget about this little mantra
'Cause your pants are saggin'
Your pants are saggin'
Don't wanna see your booty too
You're not walking you're waddling boo
Time to change your jacked up worldview
Cause your pants are saggin'
Your pants are saggin'

What up papi
You think you got game?
(Well holla at me)
Your saggin' pants are really lame
Don't make ya happy
Pull up the Lee's
And you'll get some TLC
You got the pants below your booty
And that ain't me
You be killin' us with the pants that don't fit
And your fashion sense is illegit
Please get a new approach
Your fashion game's a joke
Signallin' prison style you like rear end pokes
I'm bigger than that
Time to face the fact
Saggin' is history
And seriously wacked
If it's the last call for alcohol
You can't meet me at the bar
They won't let you in the club
To meet the superstars (yeah)

Peeps talkin' about your draws being out there
Dann right we're talkin' all about ya
Don't forget about this little mantra
Cause your pants are saggin'
Your pants are saggin'
Don't wanna see your booty too
You're not walking your waddling boo
Time to change your jacked up worldview
Cause your pants are saggin'
Your pants are saggin'

The Rad Fem Ones

TransGriot Note: Since the 25th anniversary of the release of Prince's Purple Rain movie is fast approaching, and I'm more than a little pissed about the latest 'womyn born womyn' shenanigans playing out over the Vancouver pharmacy, thought it was time for another of my infamous song rewrites.

Grab your iPods or your Prince Purple Rain CD and sing along.

The Rad Fem Ones
sung to the tune of 'The Beautiful Ones' by Prince and the Revolution


Rad fems, rad fems, rad fems
Why you hate on me?
Rad fems, rad fems, rad fems
I'm a she don't call me he
U make me waste my time
Your dogma warps your minds, rad fems

Rad fems, rad fems, rad fems
Chill with the trans hate alright?
Oh rad fems, rad fems, rad fems
Don't tread on my civil rights
Transition was a hard grind
The rad fem ones they hurt us everytime

Finished my transition
Brought harmony to my body and my mind
The rad fem ones
Always hate transpeople
Always everytime

If I told u rad fems
That I have rights f u
Oh rad fems, rad fems, rad fems
If I came to The Land
Would that be cool?

No peeps we're not confused
The rad fem ones
We're tired of being abused

Baby, baby,
Baby, baby,
Baby, baby,
Baby,
What's it gonna be rad fems?

I'm not a him
I'm just she
Cause I am boo
Said I am boo
Tell me, rad fems
Do u hate me?
I gotta know, I gotta know
Do u hate me?
Rad fems, rad fems, rad fems
Listen 2 me
I know where I'm going baby)
I said I know what I need
One thing, one thing's 4 certain baby
I know what I want, yeah
and it won't please u baby
please u, baby
I'm not going down on my knees
Not for u
Not me boo
Baby, baby, baby,
Not for u

Not me boo

Get Real

TransGriot Note: In honor of Black Music Month, it's time for another song rewrite.

This one's dedicated to the WWBT's, our community's haters. So fire up those iPod's and sing along with the fresh new lyrics



Get Real
(sung to the tune of 'I'm Real' by James Brown.

All you copy cats out there
Get offa my chip
'Cause I'm Moni R with the full, full force
Ain't takin' your lip

Hi, good God
Moni R, Moni R

Peeps in the blogosphere, check out what I say
The WWBT's think they're bad
They're delusional that way

I'm the cool transsistah
Who started TransGriot and I'm glad
I'm the award winning, original
I know I'm bad

All you assorted haters, bitin' me so hard
Posting clueless racist nonsense on your so called blogs
I don't care about you, or your ludicrous goal
This transwoman's Brown and Moni's got soul

Get real
Get real, I'm the real super bad
And there's no WWBT good enough
Or has the juice I have

Get real
I'm the real super bad
And there's no WWBT good enough
Or has the skillz I have

Que pasa, que que pasa
Que pasa, people, que pasa, hit me

The WWBT haters think that they got pull
I take your links off my blog posts
Cause you're full of bull

You peeps denigrate me
In your cyberhomes
And falsely claim I'm racist
Yo bitches, now it's on

Can't do what I do
You latte sippin' girls
Peeps know I'm nice, I'm so real
You wanna be me, boo

All you copy cats out there
Get offa my chip
'Cause I'm Moni R with the full, full force
Ain't takin' your lip

Get real
Get real, I'm the real super bad
There's no WWBT good enough
Or has the skillz I have

Get real
I'm the real super bad
There's no WWBT good enough
Or has the skillz I have

Peeps, can I take you to the bridge
Can I take you to the bridge?
Can I take you to the bridge?
Can I take you to the bridge?
Good God

There it is, WWBT's
Someday you might be good as me
You tramps ain't smart enough to rhyme
What's your Technorati? Minus three?
Admit it, I'm your mama, baby

Get real
Come on y'all, do the camel walk
And get the hop out your back, hit me

Get busy, yeah, make it funky
Hit me, get on the good foot
Hit me, get up
Cool time, papa got a brand new bag

Give it to me, give it to me
Give it to me, give it to me
Give it to me, give it to me
Give it to me, give it to me

Get real
Get real, I'm the real super bad
There'a no WWBT good enough
Or has the skillz I have

Get real
Get real, I'm the real super bad
There's no WWBT good enough
Or has the skillz I have

Get real
Get real, I'm the real super bad
No WWBT out there
No WWBT out there

No WWBT out there
No WWBT out there

Get real, Get real
I'm the real super bad, I'm the real super bad
There's no WWBT out there
That has the skillz I have

I Cheated In Argentina

TransGriot Note: Y'all knew I couldn't resist whacking Republican hypocrite Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) with a song rewrite. This situation just practically begs for me to do it, so here goes. Enjoy it while Donna Summer sings the original lyrics.

I Cheated In Argentina
(Sung to the tune of 'Don't Cry For Me Argentina'



It won't be easy, you know it's strange
When I explain to South Carolina how I feel
That what I did was massively dumb

You won't believe me
Because I lied to you
You thought I went missing
But I went to be with my boo

I let it happen, I needed a change
This session wasn't particularly fun
I had to take the stimulus money and I'm bummed

So I needed a break
Running around on the Appalachian Trail
But was headed to the airport for fun
Didn't mean to scare everybody and never expected it to

(Chorus)
I cheated in Argentina
The truth is I up and left you
Flew to Buenos Aires
Straight to my mistress
Didn't keep my promise
Wife keeps her distance

And as for fortune, and as for love
I never invited them in
Though it's apparent to the world I want her skin

My affair was confusing
It's not the solution it promised to be
While my family was here all the time
I love you and hope you still love me

I cheated in Argentina
The truth is I up and left you
Flew to Buenos Aires
Straight to my mistress
Didn't keep my promise
Wife keeps her distance

Have I said too much?
There's nothing more I can think of to say to you.
But all you have to do is look at me to know
That every word is true

I cheated in Argentina
The truth is I up and left you
Flew to Buenos Aires
Straight to my mistress
Didn't keep my promise
Wife keeps her distance

I cheated in Argentina
The truth is I up and left you
Flew to Buenos Aires
Straight to my mistress
Didn't keep my promise
Wife keeps her distance

I cheated in Argentina

Please Leave The Abuser

TransGriot Note: I was floored but not surprised that Rihanna is allegedly reconciling with Chris Brown after their domestic violence situation that has led to felony charges for Ike, er Chris.

This unsettling news inspired my latest song rewrite. Usually, I like using my song rewrite to poke fun at situations, but not this time.

Don't Stop The Music is one of my fave Rihanna songs, but as you are about to see, the lyrics are about to get a makeover.


Please Leave The Abuser
Sung to the tune of 'Don't Stop The Music' by Rihanna


Please leave the abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser.
Please leave the abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser.

It's gettin late
You were heading over to your favorite place
Gotta get a move on 'cause you're stressed today
The long text message pissed you off that came your way
Booty call candidate (yeah)

Who knew
That Chris would soon be dressin' like a jailbird, boo
Staying with his azz should be impossible
Going back to him simply incredible
You don't have to go, don't

Do you know what he started
When you left that Grammy party
Now you're worldwide news because Chris was
Acting naughty
His hands slapping your face
It's face the music day
Please take a stand
May I suggest
Next time you carry mace

You need to put him away
Escape back to Barbados
DA gonna make him pay
He was wrong to do it
Know you hate to do this
Keep on thinking through it
Please just leave the
Please just leave the
Please leave the abuser

You need to put him away
Escape back to Barbados
DA gonna make him pay
He was wrong to do it
Know you hate to do this
Keep on thinking through it
Please just leave the
Please just leave the
Please leave the abuser

Baby were you tuned in to that Oprah show?
Don't you feel his temper ready to explode
What went on between you wasn't cool you know
This ain't a private show (oh)

Do you know what he started
When you left that Grammy party
Now you're worldwide news because Chris was
Acting naughty
His hands slapping your face
It's face the music day
Please take a stand
May I suggest
Next time you carry mace

You need to put him away
Escape back to Barbados
DA gonna make my pay
He was wrong to do it
Know you hate to do this
Keep on thinking through it
Please just leave the
Please just leave the
Please leave the abuser

Mama say mama say, Ma say sue ya
Mama say mama say, Ma say sue ya (2x)

Please leave the abuser
Please leave the abuser

Mama say mama say, Ma ma say sue ya
Mama say mama say, Ma ma say sue ya

Please leave the abuser, abuser, abuser
Please leave the abuser, abuser, abuser

You need to put him away
Escape back to Barbados
DA gonna make him pay
He was wrong to do it
Know you hate to do this
Keep on thinking through it
Please just leave the
Please just leave the
Please leave the abuser

You need to put him away
Escape back to Barbados
DA gonna make him pay
He was wrong to do it
Know you hate to do this
Keep on thinking through it
Please just leave the
Please just leave the
Please leave the abuser

Ma ma say ma ma say, Ma ma say sue ya
Ma ma say ma ma say, Ma ma say sue ya

Please leave the abuser

Lather, Rinse and Obey!

After checking out the conservahijinks at last weekend's CPAC convention in Washington DC, it made me wonder if Dr. Drakken's brainwashing shampoo was handed out to the convention attendees.

That's a nice segue into my latest song rewrite. Since new GOP chair Michael Steele wants to do 'hip hop outreach', thought I'd help the brother out and poke fun at him, the GOP and Rush Limbaugh at the same time.

Shego, give me a beat.




Rappin' Rushbo
(sung to the tune of Rappin' Drakken)

Yo Yo Yo
Rush Limbaugh rappin' to you
Don't want this country stayin' blue
I know you're wary
'Cause the GOP's scary
And has been hatin' on y'all

Obama ain't no star
Hate his liberal repertoire
I know I'm nerve racking
So quit that yakkin'
Think I'm out?
It's on and crackin'

Femi-Nazis don't listen to my show
It kicks me in my ego
I talk about our plans
Cause you know that I'm da man
I make GOP legislators dance

Come on. oh. eee. gah!

GOP dreams to rule the world
Make a barefoot and pregnant girl
All end in rejection
So after introspection
We're turning our careers in another direction

Thanks to the Obama team
The GOP can't be seen as mean
Would I lie to you?
Or your boo?
I'm tellin' y'all what you have to do

Listen peeps and obey!
Become conservative today!
You may think we're villains
Yo we're just chillin'
Come on, let me hear you say
Listen peeps and obey!
You're a player, just play our way

The GOP can do a rap song
Time to get your vote on
Take some OxyContin and get that cranium rinsed!

For Sheezy it's off the heezey.

Barack's The President Now

TransGriot Note: Y'all knew I was gonna come strong with my first song rewrite for the '09. In honor of the inauguration of our 'Brother President' and the immense pride I feel about it, here's a rewrite of the classic McFadden and Whitehead song 'Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now'


Barack's The President Now
(sung to the tune of 'Ain't No Stopping Us Now' by McFadden and Whitehead



Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
Barack's the president now!
Things will improve!

Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
Barack's the president now!
Things will improve!

The last eight years has really got me down.
And the Republicans have jacked this country around.
I know we've got, a long tough road to hoe,
But on the 20th, Bush must go.
But we won't let this mess hold us back,
We're getting our stuff together,
Getting our troops out of Iraq!
If you ever felt disenfranchised before,
I know you'll refuse to be disenfranchised anymore!

Don't you let neoconservatives,
Stand in your way!
I want y'all to listen, listen,
to every word I say, every word I say!

Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
Barack's the president now!
Things will improve!

Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
I know, I know
Barack's the president now!
Things will improve!
We got it.

You know Faux News and friends will push that negative vibe
And when things improve they'll all want to imbibe
Hatin' on him is the way they wanna go
Sarah Palin in 2012? Oh hell no
But we won't let this mess hold us back,
We're getting our stuff together,
Getting our troops out of Iraq!
If you ever felt disenfranchised before,
I know you'll refuse to be disenfranchised anymore!

Don't you let neoconservatives,
Stand in your way!
I want y'all to listen, listen,
to every word I say, every word I say!

Barack's the president now!
Yo Yo Yo
We're on the move!
We're moving, improving

Barack's the president now!
Moving improving moving improving
Barack's the president now!
I know things will improve!

Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
I know things really, really will improve

The GOP's lying
But I ain't buying

We're leaving the negative people
Way behind

Because our turn has finally come around

Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
Barack's the president now!
Things will improve!

Barack's the president now!
We're on the move!
Barack's the president now!
Things will improve!

fade to finish...