How Hard Is It To Transition In Your Hometown?

Back in the day when transpeople were advised to keep their transitions secret and never let anyone know their status, one strategy for doing so was relocating to another city or state far from your birthplace.

Today, many transpeople reject that and are opting to stay right in their hometowns and transition.

What drove me to write this post was an e-mail I received from a young person who is starting the transition journey. In that e-mail she asked me the question that is the title of this post.

Well, it varies depending on where you live.

If you're born and raised in a small, conservative rural community, you may have to move to a larger, more accepting city for your own safety and peace of mind. You also have to bear in mind you may even have to relocate to another state or even emigrate to another country because some cities aren't as tolerant or welcoming as others.

As someone who transitioned in her hometown, it's an interesting and challenging experience at times. For the most part you're going to be around the people and family members that knew the old person. Sometimes it's harder for them to make the mental shift and see you as the person you've evolved to rather than the person they remember.

It leads to the maddening at times tendency to use incorrect pronouns or the old name in your presence. Sometimes when they slip up, they inadvertently out you by doing so in front of people who didn't know your trans business.

Sometimes you'll have your old and new lives clash at inopportune times. You may run into an old coworker or classmate who hasn't seen you in years at a local event or a store.

You'll have the awkward moments of running into an old lover. You'll pass by places and locations that trigger good and bad memories for you. You'll have those moments when you run into somebody from your past, but are unsure whether to reveal how you know them, how much you've changed since your last meeting, and how they'll react to the news.

And you won't have the excuse of distance or finances to prevent you from attending your high school reunion. (Go JJ Falcons!)

But those stress inducing dramas are mitigated by the fact that you are transitioning in familiar and comfortable surroundings. You already know the politics at the local, county and state levels. You are cognizant of the level of organization, support and activism in your local trans community. You're aware of who and where the trans friendly medical/legal/pharmaceutical professionals are and what the local GLB community support level for trans issues is.

Best of all, you don't have any moving expenses unless you're bouncing to another apartment.

So how hard is it to transition in your hometown? Depends on the intestinal fortitude of the person involved. I did so while working for an airline in an international hub airport. But I also realized because I did so back home, I acquired a mental toughness I probably wouldn't have if I'd simply moved and started over.

To transition in your hometown or not is just another thing that you have to factor into your transition related decisions.

But despite the headaches, it has its rewards as well.

Gia Darling's MTV 'I Want A Famous Face' Video

Gia Darling was on MTV's I Want A Famous Face' as well. Found the video for her appearance on the show. It also gives you an idea of just how much can be accomplished body work wise if you have the cash to do so.



It also gives you an idea of some of the pain you'll have to endure as well if you go under the knife to get that type of body.

A Transsistah's Secret- Shoe Sizes

Being the shoe fanatic I am, one of the first things I wanted know was what was my feminine shoe size. The basic rule of thumb in the US and Canadian markets is that you add two to your old male shoe size to get the equivalent femme shoe size.

Therefore, if you wore a size 8 in a men's shoe, your equivalent women's shoe size is a 10.

However, while most people have consistent sizes across types of shoes, sometimes depending on the style of shoe and where it's manufactured, you may have to get one that's larger. I noted that I had to go a size larger for shoes made in Brazil, for example, while others were fairly true to my actual shoe size.

So word to the wise is try them on first before you buy them to make sure they're comfortable and they fit.

Zero To Femininty In One Year

There's one issue we transwomen must come to grips with just before we begin our transitions.

We have to realize that we must go from whatever rudimentary knowledge of femininity we still have that wasn't suppressed out of us by our attempted masculine upbringings to an almost encyclopedic age appropriate knowledge of everything we should know as women.

Oh yeah, unlike our biosisters, we don't have the luxury of time to get to learn it, we have to do it in a year. While we're doing that, we're being reviled by almost everyone around us in society from disapproving family members to fundamentalist religion adherents and people who hate us enough to violently erase us from this plane of existence.

Being transgender is serious business and even if I'd had the opportunity to look into my future and see how my life was going to turn out, the only regret I have about it is that I didn't do it sooner.

Yeah, sometimes it's aggravating as hell. I get my feelings hurt from time to time. Every time I run into a narrow minded jerk or a person wallowing in unenlightened ignorance, I have to remind myself of the blessings that I have of having family and friends who love me and value the fact I'm in their lives.

So how do you go from zero to femininity? Practice, practice, practice and lots of learning and observation. Getting in touch with your spiritual and emotional side. Having biowomen school you on some of the points and lessons they learned growing up. Figuring out what type of woman you want to project to the world and working endlessly to become that finer specimen of womanhood.

And also realizing that society sees you differently. You are considered a target if you are attractive. If you're African American, even if you are beautiful, you're considered 'ugly' and 'unpretty'. You are considered less intelligent.

You also have a heightened risk not only to have potentially fatal physical violence and sexual assault visited upon you, you also have a heightened risk for breast cancer thrown into the mix as well.

But despite all that, the feeling of peace that I have every day I wake up because I did transition is one money can't buy. I know that despite the title of this post, femininity is a lifelong learning process that I enjoy learning something new about every day.

I absolutely revel in being me and living on this side of the gender fence, even if the first year of it can be chaotic.

Thanks For Being A Friend And Standing With Us

One of the things that my transsisters and transbrothers around the world are cognizant of is that we are involved in a worldwide struggle for respect and recognition of our human rights. It has been great getting to know some of my overseas transfamily and I'm looking forward to the day when we finally meet face to face.

One important facet of this human rights struggle is having biosisters in our corner. Some of my biosisters have taken it a step further and made it their mission in life to embrace what we're fighting for as well. Sometimes they speak just as loudly and eloquently about our issues than some of my own transsisters who accept the indignities and cower in their closets.

Some have taken it a step further, surround us with love and extend the hands of friendship as well.

I have been blessed throughout my transition to have biowomen at various stages of it who have and still are unflinchingly proud to call me their friend.

I have been taught at those various stages of my transition important life lessons by the various biowomen in my life in those periods. I continue to learn, grow and benefit from those friendships even as I worry that my biosisters who do that will catch flack or be stigmatized as 'weird' by their fellow biosisters or whatever other epithet is thrown at them just for daring to include me in their circle of sistahfriends.

At the same time, I hope that I've been able to show them and help them understand what I and other transwomen go through just to live our lives.

I also consider it an honor that they have made me part of their lives as well, knowing some of the bullshit sometimes that they go though just to do that.

Ladies, if you haven't heard this from your transsisters, I'm gonna say it now and keep repeating it as frequently as I can. Thank you for being a friend, standing with us and sharing with us the things we need to know in order to live quality lives as the women we were born to be in spirit but not quite body.

Know that you are loved and deeply appreciated by me and my transsisters as well for making us a part of your lives.

What's Facial Feminization Surgery?

I mentioned in a post last month that one of the pioneers of facial feminization surgery, Dr. Douglas Ousterhout is planning to retire in 2011. But what I didn't do was explain what facial feminization surgery is.

There are some of my sisters who were fortunate enough to get the genetic luck of the draw and all we needed was hormones and attitude to pass successfully. Others of us started early enough in our lives to avoid the ravages of demon testosterone on our bodies.

But for those peeps who either transition late in life or need help to feminize their appearance from the neck up, they resort to facial feminization surgery to do so.

Basically, facial feminization surgery (or FFS for short) is a wide array of surgical techniques employed to make a masculine face resemble a more feminine one.

If you watched the MTV show 'I Want A Famous Face' and remember Jessica, that's basically what she was doing.

Facial feminization surgery involves facial plastic surgery, maxillofacial surgery and reconstructive surgery. While those surgery skills and disciplines are well known, there are not many surgeons that specialize in FFS techniques worldwide. Those that are skilled at it are highly sought after.

While transwomen are major customers of the surgeons who specialize in this area, there are biowomen who do avail themselves of their services as well because of dissatisfaction with what they may consider masculine facial features.

Some of the techniques are forehead contouring, in which the bony ridge just above the eyes is removed and shaped to create a more feminine appearance. Scalp advancements, brow lifts are also done to enhance the new smooth forehead.

Sometimes, chin and cheek implants may be necessary or chin reshaping, in which the old squared male chin is given a more rounded feminine appearance.

There's also the tracheal shave, in which the cartilage bulge on the neck is shaved down as much as possible without touching the vocal cords.

Some people undergo rhinoplasty to get more feminine appearing noses, face lifts and lip augmentations as well.

The procedures, when completed and the post-surgical pain and swelling subsides, result in remarkable results, but it ain't cheap. FFS can cost anywhere from $10-40K depending on what procedures you get, which surgeon is doing them and where you get it done.

Bu for some transwomen, the positive effects on their self esteem and peace of mind because they blend in better with society are worth every penny they spent on it.

Laughing At Ourselves

We transwomen on a daily basis face so many serious issues and threats to our simple right to exist. We have people that fear us, that refuse to understand what we deal with in our lives, hate us to the point that they want to kill us, keep us unemployed, or even deny us the opportunity to go to the gender appropriate bathroom.

But just as my peeps have learned over the centuries to take dire situations and turn them into humor, transwomen for the sake of our own sanity either have or will need to learn how to do the same thing.

Like the Playboy transgender themed cartoons that are part of this post, while they are examples of some serious moments in transgender people's lives, I look at them and take a moment to chuckle. It helps remind me to stand down just for a few moments from the Defcon 1 life-or-death game face I have to put on sometimes just to live my life in a world that can be hostile to transgender people.

At times I think back to some of the more embarrassing moments I went through early in my transition that make me laugh now, but were mortifying events at the time they happened. I forgot to lock the bathroom door while non revving home during a 1999 San Francisco-Houston flight and fortunately I was in a sitting position when the door popped open. I got teased about it at work for a month and Lisa Bronte, the first class flight attendant who witnessed it, needled me about it for a year.

I take time to find humor in my situation and allow it into my life because even though I'm committed to seeing transgender rights laws become a reality and do my small part to make it happen, it can be depression inducing and frustrating work. But even out of some of those journeys to lobby have come humorous moments that I treasure to this day.

There have been times when I've gone to conventions and been one of the few African-Americans in the room, but have observed or experienced things that made me double over in laughter.

I still have fond memories of the first time I showed up at a planning meeting for my 20th high school reunion. While some of my high school classmates had heard I'd transitioned, others hadn't. The joke I cracked for the next year and a half leading up to that October 2000 reunion weekend was, "Well, we know who has a lock on the 'Most Changed Award' for this reunion."

I know we are tackling some serious and seemingly intractable problems, especially as transpeople of color. But just as we need to stop, take a look around and thank God for the blessings that we have in our lives such as good friends, good health and allies who get it, we should at the same time try to find ways to inject more humor in our lives as well.


TransGriot Note: cartoons were transgender themed recaptions by Lorna Samuels

A Transsistah's Secret-Legs

She's got legs, she knows how to use them.
She never begs, she knows how to choose them.
She's holdin' legs wonderin' how to feel them.
Would you get behind them if you could only find them?
She's my baby, she's my baby,
yeah, it's alright.

ZZ Top Legs

My fellow Texans and legions of singers and writers have waxed poetically about the mystery and beauty of women's legs.

Short of our faces, breasts and our bodies, the next thing a transsistah obsesses about (because she knows that guys and sometimes other women do) are her legs. The last thing she wants is to have NFL linebacker legs or anything that has a mere hint of masculinity.

Fortunately the shape of our legs is something that we have a little control over in terms of exercise to tone and shape them. In addition we get the same benefits from estrogen when it comes to our bodies that biowomen get in creating feminine curves.

After we start taking them, over time hormones do shift fat around and elongate the leg muscles to create a more feminine look to them.

And if you've grown up in the African-American community, you are well aware of the fact that many of our legendary beauties from Lena to Dorothy to Tina to Rihanna have been admired and desired not only for their looks, curvy brown frames, talent and intelligence, but their killer legs as well.

Rihanna not only won Venus Breeze's 2007’s Celebrity Legs of a Goddess, but they also insured her legs with Lloyd's of London for $1 million.

I've observed that guys go especially gaga over those legs if they're wearing hose with them.

Hey ladies, just kicking knowledge to y'all from my time on the other side of the gender fence. If you prefer male companionship, break out the hose. Your love life and the hosiery makers of the planet will thank you for it later.

But back to the original post.

So is it any wonder that after observing the cultural cues and taking all that in, why transwomen, and especially African-American ones would be anxious about how their legs look?

It's also a concern if you're involved in the pageant or ballroom communities in which the closest you come to looking as feminine as possible enhances your chances of winning.

I got the genetic luck of the draw with my legs as well. I can't tell y'all how many hours of teasing I endured in my junior high gym classes about my 'girl's legs' or after we started doing coed gym in tenth grade how many comments I got from my female classmates stating that I needed to trade my legs for theirs.

So I was comforted in the knowledge that HRT would already enhance what I had. Being 6'2" and mostly legs at that, it takes me hours just to shave them. It's an exercise testing my Taurean patience just to get it done, and I do it deliberately and carefully in order to avoid the tendency of rushing it and nicking myself in the process.

Personally I'd like to zap them with the laser and be done with it, but since I'm not rolling in that kind of dough yet, it's the razor, Nair, waxing, depilatories or whatever new product becomes available to get them looking their best.

Oh,You One Of Them Smart B*****s

Over the years I've gotten to know some wonderful people who are part of the female illusionist and pageant sectors of our community. Many who live full time have turned out to be not only beautiful human beings inside and out, but I've had some fascinating conversations with them.

Unfortunately, that's not always true with 'errbody' in that world. I'm turned off by the anti-intellectual strain exhibited by a minority of peeps in that world, and the horror is that some are proud of it.

What brought on this post was seeing the photo of Chevelle Brooks I posted and remembering a benefit show I attended for her at Incognito, a Black GLBT club back home a few years ago. I was invited by Chevelle's mom to attend, and it was to help her raise funds to compete in a looming Miss Gay US0fA pageant.

That particular night I wasn't feeling well and had a slight temp, but I felt like I had to be there to support Chevelle and her mom, so I dragged myself out of bed, got dressed and made the beeline to the edge of downtown where the club was located.

Sophia McIntosh was the MC of the show and living in Dallas at the time. It was being held during the time (1996) the Oilers were fighting the city and then Mayor Bob Lanier to be let out of their Dome lease so they could move to Nashville.



Sophia cracked a joke about losing the team, which didn't sit well with me and a few others in the crowd because it was a sensitive, emotional subject at the time for us. The Dallas-Houston rivalry being what it was, the fact that someone living in Dallas brought it up only added to the pissivity. Being the militant 'I hate the Irving Cowchips' Oilers fan I was, I spoke up and pointed out that the Oilers were still bound by that lease to play in H-town until 1998.

You know how illusionists don't like to be upstaged, so she retorted, "oh, you one of them smart b*****s. Okay, if you're so smart, who was the president of the United States in 1964?"

"Lyndon Baines Johnson," I quickly replied. "Took over after Kennedy was assassinated on November 22, 1963 in your city and won election in a landslide over Barry Goldwater in 1964."

The crowd whooped it up and hollered, and after she made a lame joke about my hair and was satisfied with the laugh she got out of it, on the show went.

We actually had a nice wide ranging conversation backstage after that, and she confided that most people in that room sadly didn't know half of what I articulated in my response to her.

Anti-intellectualism is not just a GLBT problem, it's a societal one as well. As I've said repeatedly and should be evidenced by the posts here, I was blessed with God-given intelligence and have no problems flexing my intellectual muscles when necessary. And yeah, I'm proud of it.

One of the things I was adamant about before I transitioned was that I wasn't 'dumbing down' for anyone. Love me or hate me, one thing peeps can consistently say about me is 'that girl's smart.'

I'll take that any day over someone whispering behind my back 'that girl's stupid'.

Rochelle Evans Video

Back in May I posted the Dallas Voice story that answered the question of how transteen Rochelle Evans was doing since winning her battle to be herself.

Hopefully things have gotten better for her and her mother since that story was published and I hope Rochelle realizes her dream of attending college at TCU.

In the meantime, here's the video of Rochelle telling her story. Merry Christmas sis and good luck in your quest to get the diploma and the TCU degree.

A Transsistah's Secret-Tucking

If you've ever attended or watched video of a transgender pageant or ball, you've probably watched contestants strut their stuff in skimpy bathing suits or wear tight jeans and look good doing it.

You also probably wondered as you watched them strut back and forth across the stage how do pre-op transwomen and female illusionists hide the neoclitoris?

Well, it's a technique that we call tucking. The methods to accomplish 'hiding the candy' as the Lady Chablis called it are as varied as the transpeople who use them.

One which sounds painful is basically pushing the family jewels into the cavity they descended from. The testicles shrink as you keep swallowing estrogen or taking the shots, so it's not as hard as it sounds.

You basically spread your legs and carefully push the the testicles toward the cavity. Once you get them in the cavity the scrotal sac will be empty, and you can wrap that loose skin around the penile shaft and then pull it all back between your legs using either tape or an extra set of panties to hold everything in place. Gravity will get them back into their natural position when you free the penis.

Yes, peeps do shave the area to make sure that they don't give themselves an impromptu Brazilian wax. Most people also use surgical tape these days instead of duct tape since duct tape can pull skin off as you remove it.

Others will use a gaff to tuck the neoclit away while others just simply pull it back as far as it will go and wear a girdle or an extra pair of panties to ensure that everything stays in place.

Sometimes it doesn't always stay in place and the neoclit wiggles free. With the interior testicular method you have to be very careful when you sit down, otherwise you get the sensation of someone kicking you in the groin.

Feminine fashions are designed to accentuate the body. Jeans are designed to be form fitting and tight, and the last thing you want is a frontal bulge while wearing them, especially if you are in certain social situations. Tucking will continue to be a necessary evil for pre-ops until they can get to the point they can afford either SRS or an orchiectomy to remove the family jewels.

Isis' Tyra Banks Show Appearance

Just finished watching an hour ago the Tyra show featuring our sis Isis on it. She's looking fly and it was interesting hearing her thoughts about ANTM, sharing some of her pics from the old days and getting her mother's take on things.

I can also see where she got those good looks from. She's just like her mom, a beautiful and classy lady as well.

The fun part for me was Isis finally getting the opportunity to confront Clark over her hateful statements. Clark tried to use her 'growing up in the South' and her Southern Baptist religion as excuses for her comments on ANTM.

Naw chick, you just got called out on your BS. Let's roll that beautiful YouTube footage shall we?



Clark, did your narrow young little 'c' 'christian' mind consider that the reason you don't see transgender peeps openly living their lives in your South Carolina town is because some of the denizens of that town openly express the same negative attitudes you obviously felt comfortable enough to utter for posterity?

Shoot, that's another post.

But I do have one question to ask Clark. Why aren't you in the Final Three for ANTM's Cycle 11? Seems like Isis is more of a woman than you are. She has the one thing you seem to lack:

Class.

Anyway, back to the show. It was also cool seeing her reaction when Dr. Bowers walked on set as well. I've bumped into Dr. Bowers at SCC and IFGE and she's a class act as well.

So check out the show, and Oxygen usually broadcasts it if you miss the syndicated broadcast of it. You also may wish to head to the Tyra show website and show some love to our girl. The haters are already crawling out of the woodpile.

Isis' Early Christmas Present

Christmas is about five weeks away, but if you tune into today's Tyra Banks Show you'll not only get the pleasure of seeing her on the screen again, Tyra has a surprise for her.

I'm also looking forward to seeing Isis set Clark's sanctimonious (and non-ANTM Cycle 11 winning behind) straight.

Oh well, might as well tell y'all since the word is already out there on the Net. Isis is going to get her sex reassignment surgery.

Dr. Marci Bowers will be performing the surgery. Dr. Bowers is a transwoman herself and in 2003 was picked by the legendary Dr. Stanley Biber to take over his practice in Trinidad, CO when he decided to retire.

Congrats sis! I know you've wanted this and I couldn't be happier for you.

Enjoy the trip to Colorado.

A Transsistah's Secret-Makeup

One of the things I've gotten a lot of compliments about over the years and I take pride in is how I apply my makeup. Sometimes I get asked how I do it.

Well, a lot of it was simply practice. I've been playing with it since I was 15, and most times all I would do is just put it on and try different looks. By doing that I learned what eye shadow and lipstick colors worked for me and which ones didn't. I learned how to apply the right amount of blush to my cheekbones without looking like a cartoon character.

I paid closer attention to how biowomen who wore makeup looked while they were out and about in the world. I emulated the women (and my transgender sisters in Montrose) whose looks I liked and used as cautionary tales the looks I didn't like. (using black eyeliner pencil to line lips, for example)

I learned how to use a steady hand to apply eyeliner pencils because I personally don't like the look of liquid eyeliners.

That was difficult for me because in junior high I got hit in the left eye with a balled up piece of pottery clay in my 7th grade art class. I still have a reflexive motion as a result of that incident that causes my left eyelid to rapidly shut and water anytime some foreign object gets near it.

The involuntary eye shutting reflex caused me major problems during baseball season the following spring because for a right handed hitter, you are using your left eye to spot the ball. For most of the early part of that season, anytime a pitcher threw me a curve ball, my eye and brain perceived it as a 'Danger' moment, the eyelid fluttered shut and I missed badly while swinging at the pitch.

But back to the subject at hand. The funny thing about it was that I used to shut both eyes while applying my eyeliner pencils, and what that did was allow me to develop a technique in which I can place it where I need it to go without staring in the mirror. Eventually my brain stopped interpreting my eyeliner pencil as a threat and I could open and close an eye to apply it as normal.

I fought to get over the shame and guilt of actually walking up to the makeup counter and buying what I needed for my forays into Montrose. In addition to that, I went through a trial and error period before I finally hit upon the right combination of products that work for this Phenomenal Transwoman.

I was an obsessive perfectionist about my look in my early transition days. I wanted to make sure I didn't step outside the crib looking drag queenish. My goal when I put my other face on was to look like the average biowoman on the street.

I'm a firm believer that you can learn something about any subject from reading books, and makeup application wasn't any different. As a matter of fact, two books that had (and still do) occupy prominent places on my bookshelf are Sam Fine's Fine Beauty and Reggie Wells' Face Painting.

They are both renowned celebrity makeup artists who dealt predominately with African-American celebrities. Reggie Wells was Oprah's Emmy Award winning makeup artist while Sam Fine was Tyra's and a few other sistah supermodels makeup man of choice during the 90's.

Tyra's book Tyra's Beauty Inside and Out was also helpful in not only talking about makeup application, it also focused on working on the inner you as well. One of the lessons I got from her book, in Tyra's typical 'keepin' it real' style is that all makeup does is enhance the exterior.

To emphasize that point, she took a photo of herself without makeup and highlighted all her imperfections, then showed a picture of her with makeup on.

The book's message was something I already knew before I transitioned, but it bears repeating. It's what's going on inside personality wise that makes you beautiful.

But the makeup tips was what i bought the books for, and I surmised if I was going to learn the basics, short of getting help from a biowoman about it, what better teachers than those two men and a supermodel?

I mentioned the trial and error part of my makeup search. When it came to my foundation, it was definitely that. I started off using the Posner that you can easily get in most beauty supply stores and drugstores. The shade was slightly off and I had to spend time correcting it with a darker powder to make it match my skin tone.

I finally decided to try the two makeup giants for African-American women at the time I transitioned, Flori Roberts and Fashion Fair. I started with the Flori Roberts because it was slightly less expensive than the Fashion Fair, and struck paydirt with a cream foundation shade that matched my skin tone perfectly. For several years I bought it until Flori Roberts counters started disappearing from department store makeup areas in the wake of the department store merger and acquisition wave of the 80's and 90's.

Eventually I moved on to Fashion Fair. It took me two tries before I discovered that their Pure Brown Glo shade was my match, and I've used it faithfully ever since. It also has the advantage of being a thick cream foundation, so before I started my electrolysis in the late 90's, that was a major advantage in hiding any five o'clock shadow growth that would occur no matter how closely you shaved.

I use Coty's airspun loose translucent powder that I get from any drugstore, and it's the same place I get my pencils, my lip gloss and my Maybelline mascara. I only do mascara if I'm going out since I have naturally long eyelashes already.

I do like Fashion Fair's lipsticks and eyeshadow palettes as well, although MAC has some nice stuff for women of color, too.

If you're a t-sistah on a budget, Posner's still out there along with the Cover Girl Queen line. Haven't tried any of their stuff yet to see if there's a shade hat works for me just in case they run out of my fave Fashion Fair one. It seems like half of Louisville wears my shade, and I have to make sure I have a backup when Derby and Christmas are approaching.

Oh yeah budding t-girls, don't forget that if you put it on, you have to take it off as well. I'm blessed with smooth even toned skin and I take care of it. I'm armed with facial cleansers, soaps, astringents, and facial masques to make sure I get whatever residual makeup is on my face off of it.

On that note, it's time for me to do my facial. Later peeps.

Vietnamese Transgender Journey

TransGriot Note: As I and others continue to point out, being transgender cuts across all economic, class, and ethnic lines. We can also be found all over the globe and represented on almost every continent. Here's the story of Vietnam's most famous transgender person, Cindy Thai Tai

Transgender Journey

From Thanh Niem News.com

After years of living in shame and torment, Cindy Thai Tai underwent sex reassignment surgery and says she’s never felt happier.

Cindy Thai Tai is ecstatic with her new life, she says. After undergoing gender reassignment surgery in 2005, Tai became one of just a few Vietnamese to speak publicly about her transsexuality.

“I make no secret about my gender transformation as I want people to accept me and others like me as we are,” says Tai. “There are those who are not brave enough to make their sexual orientation known in order not to be treated as social outcasts. I don’t want to be like them.”

Tai, whose full name is Nguyen Thai Tai, always felt different, even as a little boy.

He preferred girls’ clothes and games and felt he simply wasn’t meant to be a male.

As he grew up, Tai increasingly yearned to be a woman but was tortured by thoughts of becoming a social outcast if he were to reveal his true feelings.

Unlike countries such as Thailand, where transsexuality is more widely accepted, Vietnam remains conservative and transgendered individuals are commonly stigmatized. Yet the ' harder Tai struggled to engage in “normal” life, the more mental torment he suffered.

His family had wanted him to become a tailor, but Tai secretly had his heart set on becoming a dancer or make-up artist.

Eventually, Tai came out and told his friends and family he was considering sex reassignment surgery.

Over the next two years, Tai underwent four major operations costing more than US$30,000 at the Yanhee Hospital in Thailand – famous for specializing in gender reassignment surgery.

Tai says she is very pleased with the results and would rather have 20 years taken from her life than live unhappily as a man.

“The operation was a miraculous rebirth for me and I’m very happy to be the person I’ve long aspired to be. I regret not doing this earlier,” she says.

“Many think I underwent this major transformation to draw attention to myself or to please the men I love, but I did this totally for my own sake,” she adds.

“I know I’ll never cease to be an object of ridicule among gossip lovers… but I’m used to others’ inquisitive looks and malicious remarks and are no longer hurt by them.”

Tai is now a well-known make-up artist and has even taken up singing.

She captivates audiences with her mellifluous voice and contemplative songs, drawing inspiration from her painful past and journey to inner freedom.

“People probably come to my performances out of curiosity first, but they’re soon mesmerized by my songs,” she says. Tai released her debut album, Noi long co don (Loneliness) in late 2006, which won lavish praise from audiences.

In 2007, she released her second album, Tinh yeu da mat (The Lost Love), a selection of famous Vietnamese oldies mixed with dance, hip-hop and house – also a commercial success.

Tai is set to make another album featuring songs written by famed local composers. She has also acted in films including Saigon tinh ca (Saigon Love Story) and Trai nhay (Bar men) in which she was cast as a transsexual singer.

Earlier this year, Tai was involved in a sex blog scandal when a pornographic entry appeared on her blog.

She said the blog was opened and run by her former manager, and maintains she had nothing to do with the entry.

Tai is currently in a relationship with a German businessman who says she is more attractive and feminine than any woman he has ever dated.

The singer also plans to publish her biography, revealing her life’s journey and detailing the suffering and anguish she has endured.

“I don’t want to improve my image through my biography as many think. I simply hope that through my book people will understand more about transsexuals, empathize with us, and accept us as we really are,” says Tai.

Reported by Nhu Lich

Girl, Interrupted

One of the things that bothers me from time to time is the fact that I didn't get to experience growing up female.

Sometimes it's triggered when I see a little girl walking hand in hand with her mother. Other times it may be a group of teenage girls walking through the mall laughing, giggling and talking as they wear their tight jeans and discreetly ogle the boys walking by. Sometimes it's seeing as prom season approaches girls with their dates or getting made up for the first time at the department store makeup counter. Sometimes it's a reaction to the depressing news of another transwoman found dead or the madness of ignorant people who haven't picked up science textbooks or read the Constitution in a while.

To paraphrase Houston's legendary crusading consumer affairs reporter, the late Marvin Zindler, 'It's hell to be transgender.'

Well, sometimes it is, depending on what part of the planet you live in.

But from time to time I wonder what my life would have been like if I'd come out of the womb with female genitalia. And yeah, sometimes I honestly do feel cheated that I didn't get to experience life growing up as a young African-American woman inside and outside.

I'll never know what it was like to run for prom or homecoming queen, be a cheerleader, have mom and my grandmother run a hot comb through my hair, do a pajama party/sleepover, pick out a prom dress, have 'The Talk' from the feminine side or all the other assorted myriad experiences that mark a young girl's maturation into womanhood. I can imagine the tug-of war that would have happened between my godmother and my mom both subtly (and not so subtly) lobbying teen Monica to join their respective Divine Nine sororities once I hit college.

But at the same time, I have to consider the fact that spending 20 plus years on the male side of the gender fence has not only been an education into the drama that Black men face on an everyday basis, but for me led to a greater appreciation of my femininity. I had to go through so much time, work, money, prayerful contemplation and drama just to become the Phenomenal Transwoman proudly standing before you.

As my biosisters and sistafriends constantly remind me, they consider me the lucky one because I don't have periods. But ladies, I have a doubled risk for breast cancer now and have to do mammograms.

Had I been born a biowoman, would I be the passionate advocate I am today if I personally hadn't gone through so much just to get to this point? Would I have the deep appreciation of all things feminine and the sensitivity to women's issues and causes if I myself hadn't felt frustrated growing up that I was on the wrong team and on the outside looking in? Would I have the same level of compassion for the drama Black men go through, the transgender community and other oppressed peoples?

In some cases certain things about my personality wouldn't change. I'm a fashionista thanks to mom. I'd still be political, curious about what's going on in the broader world and down with my people's history thanks to my parents and my extended family.

As the child and godchild of historians, there was no way I was going to be allowed to grow up without knowing it, especially in the context of me growing up in the 60's and 70's. I'd still have my crazy sense of humor, my love of R&B and jazz music and the faith that has kept me grounded and centered throughout this long gender journey. Having gay and transgender cousins in my family would have ensured that I not only stayed sensitive to their plight, but the desire I have to see GLBT rights codified into civil rights law wouldn't have lessened one bit.

What has led me to a gradual acceptance of the hand I was dealt since I transitioned is the knowledge that femininity is a constantly evolving, spiritual process. A genetic female doesn't know everything there is to womanhood seconds after she emerges from the birth canal either. I get reminded of that when I'm pulled aside for private chats by various biowomen and I'm asked if I can teach them how to do makeup, walk in heels, decipher the male mind or be more assertive in asking for what they want.

I am also cognizant of the fact that for every biowoman I admire or I'm slightly jealous of for various reasons, she still has her own drama and issues that she's dealing with. Those issues sometimes pale in comparison to my grousing about not being born with the genitalia that matches my gender identity or having to spend $6K and lie down for several hours with my legs spread on a surgical table to get it.

The advantage a biowoman has over a transwoman in terms of travelling the road to womanhood in addition to the body, is that she has a head start and time on her side in learning it. If she doesn't stray too far from the 'traditional' feminine path, she doesn't have religious, societal and familial forces opposing her as she evolves as a woman in our society.

The biowoman also doesn't have the task of negotiating a femininity learning curve that jumps from zero to twentysomething, thirtysomething, fortysomething or fiftysomething woman in a year while going through body morphing and seismic emotional changes in her life.

But in the end, I'm a blend of masculine and feminine qualities as all human beings are. Being transgender gives me expanded insights into male-female situations that a person that's only lived in one gender role since birth can only guess at. As a transwoman I have to fight to have my femininity acknowledged and validated and don't take it for granted. I look at it as the blessing that it is.

But it still doesn't keep me from wondering what it would be like if my body and brain gender ID were congruent at birth.

'Angry' Black Transwoman?

One of the things I constantly tell my African-American biosisters is that your transsisters have far more in common with you than the minor differences that separate us.

Some of the things that we have in common with you in addition to our shared cultural heritage is facing a heightened awareness that we are now targets for sexaul assault and murder, job discrimination, sexual harassment, and denigration of our beauty,

Another is being slapped with the 'angry' label when we are honestly saying what we think in mixed company.

I can't tell you how many times in GLBT Internet discussion groups, GLBT spaces, or in answers to comments I've posted to threads in discussion groups or blogs how someone will whip out the 'angry' tag when I'm expressing my opinion on various subjects that doesn't dovetail with theirs.

News flash to those people: If I'm pissed off, you and the whole world will know it.

But like all intelligent, thinking Black women, I'm a little sick of being told by people that don't share our ethnic heritage or conservaidiots such as Cal Thomas and Pat Buchanan that we're 'angry' when we candidly express what's on our minds.

Michelle Obama has been not only slimed with racist comments, she's been whacked with the 'angry' tag already and we aren't even at the party conventions yet.

Interesting is the deafening silence coming from the white feminist ranks now that Michelle's the one being attacked with racist and sexist remarks. During the Democratic primary you couldn't pry 'angry white women' away from a camera when Hillary was being slammed with them by conservapundits.

As Sojourner Truth said over a century ago, Ain't I a woman, too?

Yeah, but Ms. Obama is the wrong color one to warrant a massive public PR defense from the white-dominated feminist ranks.

But back to the GLBT ranks. I've often said that the GLBT community is a microcosm of society at large. Whatever ills and isms are part of the parent society manifest themselves in our little subset of it.

And two of those 'isms' happen to be racism and sexism.

Like my biosisters I find that sometimes when I try to express my viewpoints in meetings I get stepped over by male voices in the room and have to fight to have my viewpoint heard.

That's before we even get to the race based part.

If I express a viewpoint counter to GLBT groupthink or I point out something blatantly obvious such as last week's melanin free hearing for example, I'm called 'angry', 'miltant', 'obsessed about race', 'competing in the Oppression Olympics', challenged to come up with verifiable proof of what I'm commenting on or whatever suppression language du jour they use in mixed GLBT spaces.

I'm just supposed to be the 'happy darkie' or noncontroversial Negro just pleased that Massa is letting me sit at the Big House GLBT Civil Rights table and smile for the cameras when they wanna show the world how 'diverse' they are. I'm supposed to keep it quiet that the GLBT community can be just as bigoted, racist and sexist as the fundamentalists who are oppressing them and don't want to be reminded of that.

As Maya Wilkes, my fave character from the dearly departed show Girlfriends says, 'Oh, Hell No!'

Let's keep it real for a moment. If some peeps and organizations in the GLBT community didn't constantly repeat the negative behaviors, I wouldn't have to constantly remind you of how much work you have to do to eradicate them.

As I warned y'all in my first TransGriot post, there will be times when I piss you off. While I strive when I write post commentary to do it in a thoughful, rational, reasoned and balanced manner, it would be disengenuos to not point out that as a person of African descent I look at issues through that prism. My thoughts, writngs, musings and opinions don't always neatly line up with the prevailing wisdom in the overall GLBT community.

In addition, I'm blunt at times and call it as I see it. In the spirit of one of my sheroes, the late Rep. Barbara Jordan, I believe in morally ethical leadership and work diligently to apply those principles in my own life and leadership style. Staying true to those principles sometimes puts me in the awkward position of having to call out people and organizations I consider friends as well.

But my goal has always been to make you think and expose you to some of the drama that African-American transpeeps and transpeople in general deal with. I want to remind my African-American brothers and sisters (and the GLBT community) that just because I transitioned doesn't mean I gave up my Black Like Me card. I'm proud of my heritage, proud of my history, still share the desire to do my part to uplift the race and be considered a valued member of our African-American family.

And if that in your eyes makes me 'angry', you need to wake up and check the alarm clock.