TransGriot Note: For those of you who still cling to the fantasy that Shirley Q. Liquor is funny, more evidence that Chuck Knipp is a Klansman in blackface drag. It's sooo humorous that this is posted to white supremacist websites.
A Famous Traditional Song of duh Season By Shirely Q. Liquor
On the first day of Kwanza...
My childrens asked me, "mamm, what is Kwanzaa for, anyway?"
On the second day of Kwanzaa...
Some lady bothered me. I cursed her out and I say "no, I don't wan't no Olan Mills pictures and quit calling here!"
On the third day of Kwanzaa...
I went out to the store. I needed beer and cigarettes but they was closed, so I smashed out the windows, did a drive-by and cursed em all out.
On the fourth day of Kwanzaa...
I turned on the TV. Young and the Restless, All of My Children, One Life to Live, and then "Oprah" at 4 o'clock.
On the fifth day of Kwanzaa...
My check came in the mail. AFDC! "Thank you Lord" I said, "come on kids, let's go to the store for some collard greens, hamhocks and some cheese."
On the sixth day of Kwanzaa...
The police rang the bell. They served a warrant, I nearly passed out! But it was ok, some woman had said I stole her wigs, but I told em all I was gonna give em back anyway.
On the seventh day of Kwanzaa...
I poured myself a drink. I drank 40 ounces, got really full then lost my mind. I drove down the street cursing out everyone I saw. Then I bashed the Cadillac upside a Dairy Queen.
On the eighth day of Kwanzaa...
I bought a TV Guide... not much had happened. I was hung over from a bad headache from Schiltz Malt Liquor Bull. I tried to stay home and be quiet, take my nerve pills... you can just feel Kwanzaa in the air.
On the nineth day of Kwanzaa...
I painted all my nails. Two shades of purple, one shade of turquoise, throwed on some glitter, did em up real nice... I had looked good! Then I drove on down to Popeye's, bought me some chicken and I stayed home and looked at TV.
On the tenth day of Kwanzaa...
Shoplifting was the thing. 10 Now or Laters, 9 little candies, 8 cans of tuna fish, 7 little niknaks, 6 pack of Budweiser, 5 Lee Press-On Nails, 4 pieces of gum, 3 large fries, 2 days back in jail... it was Kwanzaa, so what the hell?
On the eleventh day of Kwanzaa...
I got out on parole. I rolled a big joint, went down to church and talked all out of my head. Got happy and shouted, passed out and hollered. They called 911 and the Lord set me free! Gave my testimony, stepped on home, didn't even remember where I stayed, I woke up real hungry and confused.
On the twelfth day of Kwanzaa...
My childrens gathered around me. Lincoln, Alow vera, Gyne-Lotrimin, LemonJello, OrangeJello, Tinactin, Tempasia, KMartina, Fallopia, Shi'Thead, Shameka-Vonquishia, Salmonella, Chlamydia Champagne, Democtorius, Saskatoon, Cheeto and Skuketia...
And it had really started to feel more like it was getting near Kwanzaa
